Parrot Sketch Included

It has been a long while since I have updated this blog. Or, in otherwords, since I do not merely update as much as I do vent about turbulent uprisings in reality, I have been at a loss as to what to make comment on. Today, I am very disturbed as to my profound lack of money. I find that when I am depressed on a subject, it seems to come up in daily conversation, the media, my dreams in more than coincidental amounts.

My naive 14-year-old sister said to me the other day, "Why don't we just get rid of all the money and start over?"

To which I replied, "This solution implies we simply remove all traces of currency, and what? Give everyone $1,000 and go from there?"

She was stumped, and I ended the conversation with her feeling a little foolish. She shouldn't, though, because it's not like anyone else has any better ideas. Stimulus checks? Please. That's not unlike my sister's proposition. Homebuyer credits? This only benefitted those who had already figured out the advantage of wasting money on a home for 30 years instead of wasting it on a rental indefinitely. Said beneficiaries went on to reward themselves with $8,000 worth of luxuries they would not have had, to furnish the home they would have acquired regardless.

I recently read Bright Shiny Morning by James Frey, and though I know his facts are immediately deemed refuteable, they are undoubtedly not far from the truth regarding the wealth of just one American city: Los Angeles. He said that the County of Los Angeles, were it a country, would have the fifteenth largest economy. In the same chapter, he dictated the absurd amounts of people to go there in search of riches and fame and end up broke like the rest of the country. This leads me to conclude that, in the same city where people scrape funds from multiple jobs in order to merely exist, the majority of the currency circulation comes from the mulit-millionaires and tourists.

Another reknowned publication stated that the three wealthiest men in the whole world have a combined net worth totaling more than the ten poorest COUNTRIES. Estimates average that each of these men by themselves have more money for their personal use than 3.3(repeating) COUNTRIES!

How did we get so lop-sided financially? When did this begin? As I recall, Adam and Eve did not posess nor long for any kind of lucre.

It's become so bad that, somehow, it has become legal for companies to rape our bank accounts. I found, though I was inexperienced when I first signed a contract with Bally Total Fitness and didn't read the fine print, that if you don't use their facilities, not only do they keep charging your account $50 a month, they charge an extra fee for which they find it necessary to contact the Credit Agency in lieue of calling me first.

Also, despite the fact that they "lower" their incomprehensibly high prices to accomodate those stricken with financial woes, Verizon (you know how much I love!! absolutely love!!! Verizon...) has now found it lucrative to deem mobile web a manditory feature on ALL cell phones, increasing their profit $15/month times a bagillion customers.

Then there is the unemployment rate (which I have recently read has gone down, but not enough to escape mention) that has been made worse for the past several years by diverting manufacturing and other aspects of business to other countries. This point has been touched on by many a Michael Moore film, so I do not need to continue this paragraph.

I think I speak for everyone when I desire the freedom to go to the movies because I want to, not because I am too broke to rent a beach house. I would like to reserve the right to DECIDE how to spend my money instead of companies and the government (you too, New York State!) stripping my hands of it before it even reaches the bank safe.

I am currently reading First Contact: Or It's Later Than You Think - Parrot Sketch Excluded by Evan Mandery. At first I was enjoying it because it was much more light-hearted and just plain silly in comparison to Bright Shiny Morning. There's even a part where he references the brilliant Parrot Sketch by Monty Python, one of my favorites, though it turns out the Parrot sketch is actually excluded (hence the subtitle). Nothing of this nature had been even alluded to in Shiny Morning, which is why I found it refreshing at first. Then I began to ponder what would make the two authors write such different stories, both being around-middle-aged caucasian men. Both have a witty sense of literacy. The main difference (and I may have read into this a little too much, but still) being that Frey grew up in and out of rehab and without being spoon fed life through conveniences like money. As far as I know, the living he now makes comes from talking about his bitter reality. Then there is Mandery, who does not come with an autobiography so any information besides the facts is inferenced, a graduate of Harvard Law and current professor of Law at a New York college and novelist. I am willing to bet his silly stories come from his peace of mind due to his lack of worry about the possobility of getting hit by a car walking down the street without health insurance. (Again, I'm merely presuming people with money have health insurance.)

I am not implying any ill-will towards either of these great authors, but it does shine a light on the side-effects of money in both directions. I am also not saying I need to win the lottery to be happy. I would settle for the ability to stand on my own two feet, or pay for the surgery my dog will imminently require... things of this nature.

I would like the aforemention Peace of Mind, and I would like it with the Parrot Sketch Included.